No More Pregnancies

Yesterday sucked, okay the last 11 months has sucked, but yesterday was especially horrible. I got all the test results from my D&C and they came back clean (meaning: I do not have cancer). Also, my uterus is still intact, however Dr. F said that was seriously touch and go during the D&C whether she would be able to save my uterus as I was bleeding so heavily and there was so much more placenta in the uterus that they were caught unaware. Dr. F tells me I am an "interesting case." Umm...no one wants to be considered an interesting case, that is not good to hear from an extremely accomplished doctor. The placenta somehow still had a blood supply (hello! it should be necrotic!) and my hormones were still at a level that my bloodtests kept coming back that I was pregnant, even 3 months after delivery! More importantly she explained that I had developed an infection. She doesn't know if the infection had caused my miscarriage or not. Fabulous.

Either way, no more pregnancies. I said that I wanted someone else to make that decision, and the doctor did. I got my wish, right? Shouldn't that bring me some sort of peace? No, not really. I am devastated. If you've lost a child, you understand what the thought of a brother or sister to your child you lost means. While another baby can NEVER replace the baby who died, there is a feeling of joy & hope at the thought of being pregnant again and seeing in a brother or sister what you sadly only now see in a picture.