Mother's Day

Last fall, I dreamt about the spring, and going on maternity leave, and all the hopes and dreams that were finally going to come true. In 2010 I would be a mommy. So, suffice it to say, Mother's Day was a very, very difficult day for me. My heart just ached, and I felt very raw and profoundly sad. Not only am I still grieving for my own Mom who died only a year ago, but I'm grieving for my boys. I held my baby cousin yesterday, also a boy, born just a few weeks ago. It was very bittersweet, and of course made me long for my boys who are now in heaven. May 15th is also coming up quickly, my original due date. So much sadness, I really don't know how to express it in words.

But with all this, I can't even imagine what my life would be like without the support and love from my friends and family, they definitely carry me through these days.

April 25, 2010

Dad died, at the age of 63. Just 12 months & 10 days after Mom.

For his sake it was fast, and he didn't seem to be in any pain. He died at home which is what he wanted. Following Dad's wishes we did not have a funeral or visitation. Dad's friends and family visited him over the past month so we felt like he had the kind of visitation that was most important so we feel at peace with the decision, plus it was what he wanted. He wanted to be cremated and buried next to Mom. My brother will be here thru May 9th so we have a lot to accomplish while he is here.

I feel numb.

I don't understand.