I'm Going to Proceed

While I was on vacation last week my OPK tests were positive for 2 days, which I took as a good sign. And when I got back from vacation I went in for blood tests on CD17 and the good news was that the progesterone level indicated that I did ovulate. The bad news (there's always something) that the progesterone level was lower than normal. I am still anovulatory which means that I may not necessarily ovulate every cycle, and my cycles are shorter then normal so I will require fertility medication. They will give me a shot before I ovulate to trigger ovulation, and they will put me on Clomid. Taking any type of fertility drugs - especially Clomid - scares the shit out of me, but at this point the IUI's will be a complete waste if there are no eggs to fertilize!!! So, the odds are still stacked against me but I've decided to go through with the first IUI. I'm forecasting CD1 to be end of next week and things will kickoff then. Wish me luck!

BLECH

I'm feeling REALLY defeated right now, I got MORE bad news about my latest round of test results:

My progesterone levels are very low at CD 21, but the doctor suspects that may be because I am ovulating "early" as my cycle is short. Also, my TSH is high; I'm under-producing the thyroid hormone, so they started me on Synthroid. I'll take it for 4 weeks then they'll retest me. The worst news is that they want me to come in for an ultrasound to see if I'm actually ovulating - which is what they are suspecting now - they'll take a look at my follicles during my next cycle around CD10. But of course just to add to the frustration, I'm going on vacation next week so I most likely will not be able to get the test done next cycle.

I just cannot believe this latest news. Based on the test results at this point, the odds seem to be stacked against me so I'm wondering if I should even attempt IUI especially since I have to self-pay for 6 cycles. I don't know if I can afford the emotional and financial toll if I go down that road and it fails. I also do not want to become one of those women going through fertility treatments who can only think about getting pregnant, it's all I talk about, and I become a crazy loony bitch and all my friends can't stand me.

Alright, venting over...I'm going to wait until I have ALL the test results back before I make a decision on whether or not to proceed, but as I said that will be another month. On the adoption front, I have not made any advancements in my adoption plans in the last 3 months because I was so hopeful that the fertility treatments would be successful, obviously that has changed and I wonder if I should be working on that now as well. I will have some big decisions to make during my vacation.

Diagnostic Test Results

Today was my consultation with my RE to review my diagnostic test results and to discuss next steps. All my test results came back normal except for one - I do not produce the normal amount of eggs every cycle. 10 is the average and I produce about 5. While this does not mean that my eggs are bad it just means I don't have as many of them. Then I told my RE that I was charting my temperature and menstrual cycle and I'm nervous that my luteal phase is on the shorter side (22 days) and she said there may be a correlation between the length of my luteal phase and the amount of eggs I'm producing. Ok, great. With all that said, my RE said there is still no reason to believe that I can't get pregnant at this point, so I'll start my first IUI unassisted (no fertility drugs). I'll do at least 4 cycles before they will consider fertility drugs -- so let's all hope and pray it doesn't take that long.

Sonohysterogram

Part 2 of the diagnostic pre-testing today. As expected, the saline sonohysterogram (HSG) was entirely UNpleasant, but it's now over and done with. The procedure is mostly uncomfortable versus painful. The purpose of the procedure is to determine if the fallopian tubes are open and if there are any abnormalities such as polyps or fibroids of the uterine cavity that could interfere with pregnancy. They did find a uterine fibroid, approximately the size of a baseball which they showed me on the ultrasound, but the doctor said they won't do anything with it, and more importantly it should not interfere with pregnancy. {WARNING: DON'T READ FURTHER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DETAILS} I told the doctor that I've never experienced any pain or discomfort from the fibroid and my gynecologist had never noted it before, so that's weird. Anyway, I was advised to take some advil an hour before, and I had some mild to moderate cramps during the procedure and I had some bleeding after the procedure. I drove myself home from the appointment and I tried to lay down but I wasn't really tired so I got up soon after and I think it was better once I started to walk around. Once the saline started to drain out the cramps started to subside. I'll go back next week for more blood tests and a consultation with the doctor to discuss next steps, but it looks like everything is checking out fine so far...fingers crossed...

Diagnostic Tests Part 1 & Kyrgz Update

Today I had part 1 of 2 of my diagnostic pre-testing which included a blood test and an internal ultrasound. And all of this before 7am! Next week is the saline sonohysterogram which I am totally and completely dreading :(

Now onto very sad news regarding Kyrgyzstan adoptions. While the officials are keeping things close to the vest, it appears there will continue to be no movement with the processing of adoptions or referrals for the foreseeable future. I usually try to be optimistic but it is really hard to be with the increasing difficulty with international adoption these days. My heart goes out to those 65 waiting families that have referrals/matches but have not been able to complete their adoption. Some families have been waiting over a year to bring their children home. More than that, those children, who just sit and wait--growing up institutionalized more and more each day--it is simply heartbreaking. These children all need our thoughts and prayers.