The Daddy/Donor Question

The Daddy question is one I’ve struggled with from the very start. In terms of sharing donor-related information with my daughter, I'm going with the early and often approach. Being a single mom family, she’s going to know pretty quickly that “Daddy” is missing from the equation. I hope by introducing the idea early it will just be a part of life.

When I made the decision to become a single mother by choice and began perusing the profiles of dozens of potential donors, I was clear about one thing: I planned to use an open donor. I’d heard stories about kids who yearned for details about their biological parent, and I wanted to make sure that she’d have the information she needs. I will tell my daughter that her donor is her donor, but ultimately, I don’t know who she will decide her donor is to her. I have no idea what it is like to be a donor baby, nor how my daughter will feel about it someday. I felt I’d rather err on the side of choice. I will not encourage her to find the donor nor discourage her from it, but if she decides it’s important to her, I will have kept that option open for her.

On this note, I joined the sperm bank's donor sibling registry. I have met a few other women online who’ve used the same donor and I’ve seen pictures of some half-siblings.  I went so far as to get in touch with the mom's of some of the siblings and have seen pictures of the kids. The mom's all seem very positive and open about sharing information which is good. Some have gone so far as to get the kids together - I don't know when or if I'd ever be ready for that, but the opportunity is there. I'm curious about them, and any similarities there might be, and more importantly want to open that door for a free interchange of information, so that it's available for and if my daughter should want it.

I know I’ve chosen a complex path, but in the end you make the best decision that you can. Any choice that I make as a single mom to have a family comes with a myriad of decisions and heartwrenching decisions that frankly, it just sucks to have to make. No doubt there will be more issues and insecurities over the years, but I'm happy and at peace with the decisions that I've made and I'll work through them the best way for us. While my daughter may ultimately disagree with some of the decisions I’ve made, I hope that she can understand why I made them and find peace in the fact that she was and is so, so very wanted.

Baby Shower

My sister in law threw me an "after baby" Baby Shower since I couldn't have one while I was pregnant because I was on bedrest. It was so much fun! A couple of her NICU nurses were there too.

Two Months Old

Serena had her 2 month checkup today and she is doing wonderfully. Her pediatrician jokingly asked if I was sure that she was a preemie because she is very rapidly catching up size-wise to where she would've been if she had been born full term! Being her mom is the best thing in the whole entire world. These past 8 weeks have been the best weeks of my life. She amazes me everyday.

Weight: 10lbs 3.2oz [25th percentile]
Length: 22.5 [50%]
Head: 38 [25%]

As you may recall, she came home on a monitor to track her breathing and heart rate. I brought the monitor in last week for the data to be downloaded, and the initial read from the nurse is that she has not had any incidents, but they have to send it to the neonatologist at the hospital to review to confirm. As of last week she is off the medication and will be on the monitor until next week (44 weeks). I'll then take the monitor for hopefully the last time to be downloaded. I'll let you know what they say...

Look at that Face

I tried to capture a few of her many facial expressions...

Where Were You On 9/11/01?

I was at work that morning. When we first heard, a bunch of us went downstairs to the workout room because it had televisions. My Mom was in Boston on a business trip and was scheduled to fly back that day. We learned that one of the flights originated from Boston. I was trying to remain calm but I could not get a hold of my Mom, finally I was able to find out what flight she was supposed to be on, and it was not that flight. Soon after, my mom was able to call me, she was safe and sound. Now they had to figure out how to get back home to chicago. Airports were shut down and all flights across the United States were cancelled until further notice. Eventually Mom and her boss decided to rent a car to drive home.