Last fall, I dreamt about the spring, and going on maternity leave, and all the hopes and dreams that were finally going to come true. In 2010 I would be a mommy. So, suffice it to say, Mother's Day was a very, very difficult day for me. My heart just ached, and I felt very raw and profoundly sad. Not only am I still grieving for my own Mom who died only a year ago, but I'm grieving for my boys. I held my baby cousin yesterday, also a boy, born just a few weeks ago. It was very bittersweet, and of course made me long for my boys who are now in heaven. May 15th is also coming up quickly, my original due date. So much sadness, I really don't know how to express it in words.
But with all this, I can't even imagine what my life would be like without the support and love from my friends and family, they definitely carry me through these days.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
April 25, 2010
Dad died, at the age of 63. Just 12 months & 10 days after Mom.
For his sake it was fast, and he didn't seem to be in any pain. He died at home which is what he wanted. Following Dad's wishes we did not have a funeral or visitation. Dad's friends and family visited him over the past month so we felt like he had the kind of visitation that was most important so we feel at peace with the decision, plus it was what he wanted. He wanted to be cremated and buried next to Mom. My brother will be here thru May 9th so we have a lot to accomplish while he is here.
I feel numb.
I don't understand.
For his sake it was fast, and he didn't seem to be in any pain. He died at home which is what he wanted. Following Dad's wishes we did not have a funeral or visitation. Dad's friends and family visited him over the past month so we felt like he had the kind of visitation that was most important so we feel at peace with the decision, plus it was what he wanted. He wanted to be cremated and buried next to Mom. My brother will be here thru May 9th so we have a lot to accomplish while he is here.
I feel numb.
I don't understand.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Grieving & Loss
A year ago today my Mom died. The past year I feel like I've been in a haze, not knowing how to go forward after the destiny I had was forever altered. I'm not familiar with that kind of shock that lasts this amount of time. You feel it and then you don't feel it; you know what's happened and then you don't really know what happened. I have not come to terms with my losses. I am still trying to figure out how to move on. It's hard to imagine that it's not going to go back to how it was.
Dad is hanging in there. His live-in caregivers are awesome, I can't properly express what a relief that is. Mentally he's doing much better then anyone of us expected; his long-term memory is intact, his judgment skills and short term memory are impaired, but not too bad all things considered, and he's learning ways to workaround them, it's pretty remarkable. Physically he's doing really well and is taking daily walks. My brother & sis-in-law are flying in tonight for a long weekend and I'm taking tomorrow thru Tuesday as vacation.
Dad is hanging in there. His live-in caregivers are awesome, I can't properly express what a relief that is. Mentally he's doing much better then anyone of us expected; his long-term memory is intact, his judgment skills and short term memory are impaired, but not too bad all things considered, and he's learning ways to workaround them, it's pretty remarkable. Physically he's doing really well and is taking daily walks. My brother & sis-in-law are flying in tonight for a long weekend and I'm taking tomorrow thru Tuesday as vacation.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
JCICS - Call to Action
On Monday, April 12, 2010, Joint Council on International Children's Services (JCICS) issued a Call To Action regarding Intercountry adoption in Russia. The goal is to ensure that intercountry adoption continues uninterrupted and to aggressively investigate and prosecute anyone involved in the abuse of children. I hope for all our sakes that JCICS is successful!!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Adoption News Story
Gee, I guess adopting for Russia is probably now out too. This recent news story is truly sickening. To summarize...a single woman from Tennessee adopted a 7 year old boy last year from Russia. This week, she put him on a plane back to Russia alone with a note saying he has serious psychological problems and that she no longer wished to parent him.
http://www.foxnews.com/world/2010/04/09/russia-urges-adoption-freeze-american-returns-boy/?test=latestnews
I am very worried for all those who are are in process and for the kids who will be left behind. This woman may have ruined things for a lot of innocent children and prospective adoptive parents. During her process to adopt this woman had to have been educated about issues in older adopted children and treatment options. Regardless of whether this kid was violent or had serious psychological problems, there are legal ways of dissolving an adoption which do NOT involve abandonment! Now I am hearing rumors that Kazakhstan will also suspend adoptions. I am really hoping that is not the case. It is already increasingly hard for singles to adopt internationally.
http://www.foxnews.com/world/2010/04/09/russia-urges-adoption-freeze-american-returns-boy/?test=latestnews
I am very worried for all those who are are in process and for the kids who will be left behind. This woman may have ruined things for a lot of innocent children and prospective adoptive parents. During her process to adopt this woman had to have been educated about issues in older adopted children and treatment options. Regardless of whether this kid was violent or had serious psychological problems, there are legal ways of dissolving an adoption which do NOT involve abandonment! Now I am hearing rumors that Kazakhstan will also suspend adoptions. I am really hoping that is not the case. It is already increasingly hard for singles to adopt internationally.
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